If you’re here, then your “happily ever after” is about to end and you are trying to understand how to divorce. You’ve been one of those who thought that the marriage will last, but sadly it’s all shattering now.
Unfortunately, divorce has become too common. Only in the U.S., 40-50% of all married couples get divorced. This sad statistic shows that divorce has become a primary “way out” of marriage and the first resort couples think of when they start having irreconcilable differences.
From a man’s point of view, divorce is as hard, as from a woman’s perspective. Women are mistakenly perceived as the most mistreated, leaving a man’s perspective without proper attention.
Many men feel that they’ve not done enough to save the marriage. We would like to take a glance at a man’s view on how to divorce and how to go through it to help men cope with this difficult process and to help them get a feeling of closure.
Make sure that you’ve done everything you could
Feelings of guilt and despair define divorce as it is. There are even so-called 7 stages of grief of a divorced man. Divorce is as hard for a man, as it is for a woman, and to ease this process a little bit (a tiny bit, really) you should make sure that you’ve done everything you could to save your marriage.
By all means, try to understand that divorce is the last resort. This a final step, which you should take when you understand that you’ve done everything you could, but the marriage still isn’t working for both you and your wife.
Read also: 5 Absolutely Unacceptable Ways to Break Up
Before you land on a decision to divorce, make sure that you’ve tried these two options:
1) Couples counseling: if you’ve already had a thought about divorce, this means that talking out the issues with your wife isn’t an option anymore. But a guided counseling might help you both better understand and work out the differences you have. Couple counseling isn’t cheap, but when you’re determined to save your marriage, you should definitely give it a try.
2) Temporary separation: some couples may need to separate from each other, sort of to take a break from the relationship. This should be a unanimous agreement. Both you and your spouse should understand the consequences of such a decision. But if you feel that you’re not ready to divorce, separation will help you set the record straight.
Divorcing your spouse – what you need to remember
If you’ve tried both counseling and separation, and yet divorce seems to be the only option, by all means, go for it. Why “by all means”? Because it means that there’s no need to push yourself through something that makes you unhappy. This marriage I destined to end, and if you’ve tried to save it but failed, it’s time to put an end to it.
What do you need to remember when thinking about how to divorce?
- Be fair. It’s OK to feel angry, but don’t let the feelings force you into making big mistakes. Often spouses try to hurt each other by hiring a lawyer, who will take as much from their spouse as possible. Try to be fair when going to court to divorce your wife. She’s not the only one “guilty” in this divorce.
- Never badmouth your ex-wife in front of your children. Anthony Wayatt, a developer from Proessaywriting, shared his story about divorce: “Unfortunately, I divorced my wife a year ago. My parents were divorced too, and I still remember how my father used to say negative things about my mom to me. It was a life lesson: although my ex-wife and I have to kids, I never speak negatively of her.” Again, keep your emotions at bay. Your marriage is dead, and you don’t speak ill of the dead.
- Tackle financial aspects: divorce is quite expensive, and it’s not just about the alimony. You have to have a lot of things figured out: dividing financial assets, property, etc. Attorney fees are very high, often reaching $50, 000 for each litigant. A contested divorce is more expensive, as most of the issues haven’t been agreed, thus lawyers have more job to do. An uncontested divorce is less expensive, as all the issues, like assets, property, and custody, have been tackled.
After the divorce – common issues
The most uncomfortable and difficult time comes when the divorce is finalized. This is the time when any man may feel burnt-out and devastated, as now is the time to leave behind something well-known and familiar.
Here are the things you should remember when you are thinking about how to divorce:
- The relationship never ends. If you have children from your previous marriage, you MUST keep in touch with your wife in order to bring up your children together. Your children are the real victims of your divorce, destined to carry this burden. Children of the divorced parents are 300% more likely to experience psychological problems, so be a responsible father.
- Don’t expect that it will end quickly. You’ve spent many years with your spouse, building your relationship, and the aftermath of your divorce will not fade quickly. Be understanding: you and your wife just ended a relationship you once wanted to last.
- Don’t jump into another relationship. It may be easier to drown your guilt in a new relationship, but this feeling is not that easy to get rid of. Be fair to yourself and your new partner. Such quick move-ons never end well.
Divorce shouldn’t be something impulsive. You should know how to divorce. Show your wife that you’re going through the same mess as she does. Show respect: you’ve had a lot of amazing moments together after all.