When it comes to true narcissism, psychologists assure that the true symptoms are not self-admiration, passion for selfies, and endless conversations about oneself. In general, a true narcissist is a traumatized person who can destroy not only himself but also any close relationship in his life.
What if you suspect your partner is a narcissist? How to make sure that he is not a manipulator when you are dating online? And, anyway, does such a relationship have a future? Let’s figure this out.
Who can be called a narcissist
The best phrase for a narcissist is actually ‘a narcissistic manipulator’. At first, he gives the impression of a charming person, and then his true qualities emerge:
● focus only on himself;
● striving to be in the spotlight.
It should be noted that narcissists are not happy people: they put forward excessive demands on themselves and the world in general. That is why it is impossible to satisfy their aspirations.
Signs of a relationship with a narcissist
● Your partner loves control.
And he loves to feel powerful and authoritative. If the situation cannot be controlled, he simply leaves it.
● Reputation is everything for him.
Power. Love. Admiration. All of this comes first for the narcissist. If there is a chance that his true nature will be revealed, then he will do everything to prevent it from happening.
● Frequent rage.
Rage cannot be harmless. In general, it is often caused by criticism: the feeling that someone considers him wrong or at least imperfect is unbearable for him.
● Jealousy combined with cheating.
Actually, it’s not just about flirting with the opposite sex. It turns out, that the attention of others to their partner is like a red rag for a bull for a narcissist. A person should belong only to him and no one else.
● Sex as a manipulation.
For the narcissist, sexual intercourse is not a joy and pleasure but an excuse to keep a partner on a leash. To punish or humiliate, he prefers masturbation to intimacy.
● No boundaries.
Boundaries and prohibitions are ephemeral concepts for narcissists. They will not disdain to check the phone, the closet, and the partner’s head. If the beloved talks about the fear of spiders, he will throw an insect into her bag. And if she confesses to being claustrophobic, the “loved one” will make fun of the fear of elevator rides.
● Inability to empathize.
Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes is an impossible mission for a narcissist. The main thing for him is not to lose the power source. And in general, if the other suffers, it’s not a bad thing for a manipulator.
● Inability to appreciate others.
The narcissist does not value anyone but himself. He looks down on everyone and sincerely believes that others should only admire him and nothing else.
● Constant deception.
About anything. A narcissist doesn’t care what to lie about: his favorite toy as a child or about the place he spent the night before.
One or two signs from the list above may be a coincidence. Three or four is a reason to think. Five or more – a reason to run away. Or not?
Is there a future for a relationship with a narcissist?
Yes, there is. But only in two cases. First, when the narcissist’s partner is a deformed personality and a severe neurotic themselves. Oddly enough, such people somewhat build successful relationships.
Second, the narcissist decides to change. He realizes that he is unhappy and that his loved ones are unhappy. In such cases, psychotherapy gives good results. However, most narcissists believe that if they have a good job and a family, they have a good life because there are no problems at first glance. If a narcissist decides to seek specialized help, there is a chance to maintain and improve (!) the relationship.
Remember, thinking that the partner’s love will fix the narcissist is a mistake. The result in such cases is pretty sad: devastation, a keen sense of loneliness, and a victim complex. And if you manage to get out of such a situation, you are a lucky one!