Things Nobody Wants to Hear on a First Date and What to Actually Discuss?

It’s your first time meeting each other and you want to make a good first impression of course. You practice what you’re going to say, you want to be yourself, and you want to win them over with good conversation. The problem is that there are a few common mistakes that so many of us make, and they can cost us dearly. If you say the wrong things it can give off the wrong impression of you, and therefore practically ensure that you don’t get a second chance with this person before you.

So what can you possibly say that could go so wrong? There are a few phrases or ideas that you want to stay away from. You don’t want to be too focused on your past, for this is a surefire way to scare them away. You also don’t want to be too forward, even if you think that things are going really well you still want to take your time a bit. It’s all about balance and the way that you choose to converse can make all the difference in the world. Carefully chosen topics work well, but flying by the seat of your pants and getting into taboo topics is definitely a “dating no-no”!

If you’re wondering what NOT to say on a first date, then there are a few common scenarios. If you want to impress them and try to get a second date then stay away from these topics of conversation and keep it light, carefree, and make it a great opportunity to get to know each other too.

1. I haven’t been in a relationship in a really long time: The last thing you want to look to date is desperate. Don’t discuss how long it’s been since you’ve been with somebody or else it will look like you are hoping for an instant commitment. If this subject does happen to come up then just keep your response broad. The more that you talk about how much you want to be in a relationship or how long it’s been, the more that you are scaring them off. Never try too hard or discuss past relationship failures!

2. I just dated the biggest jerk; let me tell you about him: At the other end of the spectrum, you also don’t want to fixate on a bad previous relationship. The more that you talk about your ex or how things went wrong, the more it will appear that you are not ready to move on. This is never going to get you anywhere, so save the ex-bashing for your friends. Keep the talk of previous relationships for later on if it comes up, but definitely don’t broaden the subject on the first date.

3. I’m not ready for commitment: Though you may not necessarily be in a place to move forward with a relationship, you definitely don’t want to say that right off the bat. If you do say this you are putting yourself at risk of coming off as too laid back or that you are in it just for fun. Don’t even talk about your relationship goals, for the first date should really just be about getting to know each other. You will figure out later if your relationship goals match up, and until then see if you are even a fit.

4. I have some strong political and religious views: Do not talk about politics or religion on the first date! Don’t get into anything controversial for it can end in conflict and that’s not good for anybody. If an extreme point of view comes up, it’s a good way to weed out. If you are trying to win them over, know that understanding where each of you stands on important issues will come, but the first date isn’t a good time or place to address this.

5. Want to go back to my place?: Even if you feel that you are hitting off, do NOT go to the next step on the very first date. Don’t be the one to put it out there because it’s too forward, it’s assuming, and it may very well backfire and make your date feel uncomfortable. There is plenty of time to get a physical later on, so don’t try to push for it on the first date.

6. I’m in between jobs and not sure what I’m going to do next: Most of the time your date wants to hear what you are doing with your life. Instability can be perceived as laziness, even if that’s not the case here. You want to come across as composed so don’t put it all out there that you have no idea what you want to do with the rest of your life. Making a good first impression means showing some initiative, so keep that in mind and talk through how to win over your date by focusing on your best attributes.

There are certain things that are off-limits if you are interested in winning this person over. If you keep to a few simple topics you can get to know the other person and also ensure that you don’t get into topics that could be potentially damaging. This is like a fact-finding mission and an entryway into a potential relationship, so be smart about it.

Here are a few things that can really help you in terms of finding good conversation topics within that all-important first date. There are also a few things you want to avoid at all costs, but above all be certain that you keep it light and let it be give and take—make sure your talking and listening time are equal!

1. You can talk about your occupations, but you should never insert your opinions into this: Sure you want to talk about what you both do professionally so this is a fine entry point into a conversation. If one of you is involved in some type of business or field that might be controversial, now is not the time to offer opinions. Even if you happen to be in the same field, you don’t want to put down anybody else’s livelihood or the company that they work for. Keep it light so that you can learn about the professional side of them, but never insert opinions that could be hurtful and harm your chances of landing another date. Just not worth it!

2. You can talk about current events, but don’t get into politics or religion: There’s a lot going on in the world but try to keep to neutral topics. Talk about new innovations, places to visit, technology, or things of the sort. What you want to be sure to avoid are the conversations whereby politics or religion enter the arena—avoid at all costs! You will have plenty of time to discuss more of the ethical or moral topics later on, and as you get to know each other you will learn about where you stand. Keep it light, neutral, and never get into topics that could cause anxiety and sabotage the first date instantly.

3. You can talk about hobbies and interests, but never criticize or talk about things that are unconventional or perhaps “taboo”: If they are big into hunting and you are totally against it, now is not the time to discuss your difference of opinions. If you have a hobby that may be a bit taboo maybe hold that until later on. You do want to get to know each other, but the first date isn’t the time to discuss controversial topics. Discuss what you like to do in your spare time and talk about potentially common interests for a great way of bonding.

4. You can talk about family and friends, but you never want to talk about past relationships: It’s great to tell them about your family and friends and those that are important to you in your life. You want to hear how they interact with the people closest to them in their life too. What you don’t want to do is get stuck talking about an ex or a past relationship. Even if it’s fresh, they don’t want to hear about it—so save these conversations for good friends! First dates are a great time to talk about who you are, but never about your dating past so it pays to remember that.