The first date can be a time full of excitement, great anticipation, and even hope. You find yourself coming face to face with somebody that you may be interested in moving forward, and that can be a really wonderful premise. The problem comes in though when you get a bad feeling—how can you overcome that and should you? What happens when everything in you is telling you that this is not a match? Do you even pursue a second date? The reality is that sometimes you have to listen to what your instincts tell you and forget about the next meeting if it’s not a match.
Sometimes it comes to you through obvious signs and sometimes it’s something much more subtle. Though you always want to be open minded and go in with a positive attitude, you also want to be sure to listen when your instincts are telling you that something isn’t right. There are some signs that you simply can’t ignore for if you do you could put yourself in a bad position. Though it’s not usually as extreme as danger, it is important to recognize that when someone isn’t a match for you it pays to adhere to this. You have to know when things just aren’t meant to be, for trying to force it won’t serve either of you well.
So how can you be sure of when to avoid the second date? How can you know for sure when it’s not a good idea to pursue things any further? Here are a few telltale signs that you want to stay away from the second date and perhaps even cut ties with this person for good.
1. You feel instinctively like something just isn’t right: You can’t put your finger on it, but you know that something just isn’t the way it should be. Your instincts are practically screaming at you that this is not a good match or that you don’t feel comfortable around this person. Call it a red flag or just some sort of indicator, but if you feel like this and your instincts are saying no then pay attention to this. It’s important to recognize when you are in tune to something, even if you can’t explain it so pay attention and go with your gut.
2. You aren’t feeling a good vibe about them, though you can’t necessarily pinpoint why that is: Something makes you feel on edge or uncomfortable and you don’t like it. Maybe it’s something that they said or just the way they make you feel, but you are not feeling yourself around this person. You are not getting a good positive vibe around them and that’s really all you need to know. Dating should be positive and exciting at first, and if it’s making you feel negative, then don’t go on that second date.
3. You find yourself feeling anxious more so than is actually normal: Everyone feels a bit anxious before they go on a first or even a second date. The problem comes about when that anxiety is bigger than the date itself. You can’t shake your nerves, you feel something deep down in your gut that things just aren’t as they should be. You don’t feel excited about the date and thinking of a second date gives you butterflies, and not in a good way!
4. You can clearly see that you aren’t a match, though you really wish you could make it work: You don’t seem to see eye to eye and the conversation is definitely not flowing. You want to be a match because on paper you should be, but in person and in practice you simply aren’t. You might clash or you just might find it hard to identify a reason why you SHOULD go on a second date. That’s your instincts telling you to avoid that second date like the plague!
5. You don’t want the same things and you don’t have any middle ground at all: Even in the first date it became quite clear that you don’t want the same things in life. It may be that they don’t have the motivation or drive that you do, or even that they don’t want kids in the future. If something that they said indicates that they are in a completely different place in their life, then take this as a sign that a second date is not going to present anything positive—know when it’s time to go separate ways and find somebody that truly is a match!