What is a poly relationship?
At first, a polyamorous relationship does not necessarily mean promiscuous sexual relations. There are various definitions for the term 'polyamory,' but in general, it can be described as follows: Polyamory is a state of being in an intimate relationship (emotional and/or sexual) with more than one person, where everyone involved gives consent to this and is open and aware of the situation. Have you ever been in love with two people at the same time and could not choose one of them? If yes, then you understand what poly relationship is about.
How to start a poly relationship?
The easiest way to start a poly relationship is to use an online polyamory dating site - Meetville, with its vast base of users ready for a poly relationship. However, before starting such a relationship, you have to make sure that it suits you and your life goals. There are many reasons why people are attracted to a polyamorous relationship. Here are some of them: A person experiences deep feelings or passion for several people at the same time and wants to express these feelings freely. You can allow relationships to develop naturally, without limiting yourself to too strict frameworks. Having multiple partners for a person is as healthy as close friendships with several people. A person seeks to experience different romantic and sexual relationships and understands that one partner cannot satisfy all their desires. A person wants to expand the existing relationship but does not want to deceive a partner. If you have read all these points and think that everything written seems fantastic to you, then act! If you don't know how to relate to what you've read, it's not bad as well. It is absolutely okay to experience uncertainty and even fear when you think of polyamory dating as a new chapter in your life. Think, weigh everything, and take your time: there are a considerable number of stops on the way from "strict monogamy" to "I am open to anything."
Do poly relationships work?
The most common thing that can ruin a polyamory relationship is jealousy, of course. There is even a myth saying that there is no jealousy in such relationships. Of course, sometimes partners feel jealous, although it is not applicable to each couple. For example, one of the partners may be jealous, fearing that a new person will be better at something, and previous feelings will fade away. In such a situation, the main thing is not to start establishing new rules, but to deal with jealousy, understand its causes and find a way to rectify the situation. If jealousy and frustration are constant, this may mean that poly relationship is not suitable for a person, at least at this stage of life. However, the cause may be psychological, which is a sign that it's time to ask for professional help. In any case, jealousy is a feeling familiar to many people. And if it appears, there is no need to be afraid of it - you need to examine it. However, working on jealousy is not the only method for making such relationships work. Here are some other tips for those who want to improve their polyamory dating experience: To share or not? What if you do not want to listen to all the details of your partner's dates with a third person? Or vice versa - you need to know everything, including the smallest details? Carefully consider what you are ready to share with your partner. It is essential to consider the interests of all three parties. Only for two of you. If you have a primary, permanent partner in your polyamorous relationship, it is crucial to allocate time only for the two of you. This will bring you closer and will favorably influence your development as a couple. Set boundaries. It's only necessary to get rid of confusion. When more people appear in a relationship, there is an urgent need to agree on dating schedules: it can be extremely embarrassing and confusing when, for example, both partners are waiting for you in completely different places at the same time. Borders will help to put everything in its place. Respect the other person's choice. You do not need to fall in love with each new person dating your partner, but you should not experience negative feelings for them. Make every effort so that all members of your polyamorous relationship feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible. Communication. It is the key to the harmonious development of any relationship. Do not miss the opportunity to communicate with your partners, solve problems related to your relationship together, and respect each member of your polyamorous union's views, feelings, and rights. Full consent. Never agree to a poly relationship if you are absolutely monogamous. No matter how much you love your partner who has polygamy views, agreeing to have a poly relationship only to please, your partner is an extremely bad idea. After all, everyone should be happy in a relationship. But will you be happy if you go against your beliefs?
Can a monogamous person be with a poly?
If you are 100% sure that you are not ready to put up with the polyamorous views of your potential partner - don't even start. If you have some doubts - give it a try, and if you don't feel like it's your thing - stop this relationship. However, you may be perfectly fine with polyamory, and such relationships work for you the most.
Are poly relationships illegal?
It may seem that polyamory is weird and unnatural, but in fact, it appeared much earlier than monogamy. And it is possible that we may look at love relationships in a completely different way and abandon our current ideas about them in the future. But love has always evolved according to the same scenario, right? A man falls in love with a woman, they get married, have children, and they maintain harmonious monogamous relationships for the rest of their lives. Well, such an image of love has never been and still is not ubiquitous. For many, polygamy - that is, a form of marriage in which more than one spouse is allowed - was the norm. Monogamy began to flourish when our ancestors began to lead a sedentary lifestyle. Probably, the need for it has economic reasons. Thanks to this, it was easier for fathers to share valuable property - for example, land - between children. In an idealistic Victorian society of the 19th century, the concept of "monogamy" was replaced by "romantic love." "The idea that a sexual partner should be the only one came up not so long ago," says law professor Hadar Aviram of Hastings College of Law in San Francisco, USA. Even today, monogamy is not the dominant form of a relationship on our planet. According to cultural experts, polygamy is allowed in 83% of the world. As for the USA, this country is much ahead of the rest when talking about freedom. And although marriage with several partners has not yet been legalized, no one will be surprised if they find out that a person is dating several girls or guys at the same time. But if you want to get into a tolerant environment surely, it is better to go to large cities. In New York, Los Angeles, or the LGBT capital, San Francisco, everyone will be happy, regardless of the number of partners.
How do you deal with a poly partner?
There are some basic tips for people who want their polyamorous relationship work: Do not overwhelm your partner with your fears. 'I'm afraid that you will leave me for someone else" - this is the phrase you should never tell to your partner. Speak out all your feelings and doubts. If your relationships are superficial, you have a right not to waste time talking. But if you try to build a deep connection, you have to talk a lot. Find out the reasons for your jealousy - it has a lot of benefits. A simple awareness of the cause will help reduce tension. Develop compersion instead of jealousy. Compersion is the opposite of jealousy: a joyful feeling that your loved one loves someone else. "I am so happy that my girlfriend is in love. Even if not with me." Argue correctly. If your relationships were standard, your partner would have to struggle more to make you pay attention to the problem. Polyamory accelerates personal growth in this regard. Stop being a perfectionist and learn how to allocate time. HR specialists recommend striking a balance between work and personal life so that you will not burn yourself out one day. Therefore, you should set a clear line between home and office in the hope that if you can organize these areas of your life when new partners appear, it will be easier for you. So learn to set priorities, stop criticizing yourself for not being perfect. Choose your relationship format, and don't be afraid to adjust it. Each of us can date other people, but if one becomes uncomfortable with the other's behavior, he/she will stop it for the good of relations. Your agreement is not signed in blood, which means that it can be revised when the conditions become too "tight" for both. Give freedom to another person, and you will become free as well. You can trust your partner only if he/she accepts all your desires and feelings.
Types of Polyamory Relationship
There are 7 general types of polyamorous relationships:
- V - this Latin letter denotes a situation when one person dates two others who are not connected by any relationship with each other. By analogy with V, the forms N and W can exist - the spelling of letters hints at the number of partners, although the interpretations sometimes differ.
- Triangle - three people who date each other.
- A square is four people in a relationship. Often, but not necessarily, two separate couples enter a "square."
- Group - more than four partners who are in a relationship with each other.
- Open marriages or relationships - a couple, where both persons date other people separately from each other.
- Solo is a person who dates several people, but does not distinguish a leading relationship and does not seek to live with one or all of the partners.
- Hierarchical polyamory is the reverse of the previous situation: a person identifies "primary" relationships (they can be characterized by a high level of proximity, cohabitation, and a common budget) and "secondary" ones. Moreover, the "secondary" partner is not necessarily less important but takes up less space in everyday life of a person.
All classifications are conditional, of course: people themselves establish the rules and format of their relationship by themselves. The main thing is that the conversation about this takes place. Until you discuss with your partner what kind of relationship you are in exactly, you cannot be entirely sure.