Long Distance Relationships: an Extensive Guide for Survival

We believe that among our readers, many women and men are open to communication. They make new acquaintances on tourist or business trips, while studying abroad or even online. Such acquaintances can lead to long-distance relationships. But for many of us, relationships at a distance can be a difficult test.

Being in a long-distance relationship is not easy and requires certain efforts. You'll go through different stages, learn to trust each other, and finally reach the moment when these relationships will no longer be at a distance.

However, it’s very important to realize whether you are ready to live separately and whether your feelings are strong enough for such a challenge. And here some questions to ask yourself before starting a relationship with a person miles away.

1. How long will you live far away from each other?

In some cases, it’s not difficult to define the time period of separation (for example when your partner left the country or the city to study). But what if your beloved one works abroad and doesn’t know for sure when he or she will be able to come to you or invite you to his/her place. All these issues should be discussed from time to time, especially if your plans change.

2. How often are you going to see each other?

It’s high time to discuss all the questions concerning road expenses, how often you’ll be able to see each other etc. Of course, you won’t solve all the problems at once. But this will definitely help you avoid misunderstanding in the future and you’ll learn to manage your time and finance.

3. Do you really trust each other?

Any relationship requires a lot of trust in order to be healthy. Long-distance relationship requires even more trust, as long as you’ll see each other not very often and can’t control each other’s behavior. Thus, here the trust is an essential thing without which no long-distance relationship can exist or at least be more or less healthy.

We hope that these three simple questions will really help you to be prepared for an LDR and realize the responsibility it requires. And if you have decided that you are ready to experience that, we will share the stages of such relationships and what you will encounter along the way:

1. Dread

From the very beginning, when this kind of relationship is new to you, there are many questions and doubts. People are not sure what will happen to their relationship and whether it will be possible to save love at a distance. Don't be afraid to share fears and feelings in order to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner.

2. Loneliness

Now, when your dread has slowly diminished, loneliness overtakes you. But with this stage, you will learn how to cope with it. This is one of the most difficult periods even for couples that are very secure in their relationships.

3. Worry

Being in a long-distance relationship is scary. At this stage overthinking and overanalyzing can lead to panic. This might not happen to everyone, but if it does happen to you, you are not alone. You're in this together with your partner, who loves and supports you.

4. Hope

After you have calmed down, you begin to trust your partner. Gradually, you build comfortable communication and devote enough time to your relationship. Hope for a meeting or a call soon helps to get through almost anything the two of you have to battle.

5. Habit

At this stage, you automatically write “good morning” in the morning and “good night” in the evening. Such small things become a daily routine. You'll learn the best way to communicate and share your lives even when you're not together.

6. Uncertainty

Every relationship has its ups and downs, and relationships that struggle with distance encounter a lot of these. Doubts and quarrels arise again. The trick is to fight the core of the problem right away and make sure that it does not cause other issues to arise.

7. Comfort

Now you realize that throughout all the chaos in the world, you still have someone who loves you. Even if they are not physically present, your partner is worth waiting out the distance. You will not only find routine in missing them, but find the comfort to look forward to seeing them, advancing in your relationship, and simply getting through it.

9. Decision time

At this point, you draw up a plan and determine the end date of your long-distance relationship. This cannot last forever and it's necessary to consider the further development of your relationship. You need to be on the same page, and commit to moving in together, or at least moving closer to each other. Set some new goals for your relationship, goals that work for both you and your partner.

It may take a lot of effort and optimism to change a temporary long-distance relationship into a permanent strong love union. So, here are some dos and don’ts that can help you make your bond and relationship stronger.

DO: COMMUNICATE

Of course, using a variety of messengers is much more convenient than Skype/Zoom – you can stay in touch all day long. But still, it is advisable to use video calls, not messages. In correspondence, it is impossible to accurately convey the intonation, even if you have been together for a long time and know each other perfectly. In a telephone conversation, you also don’t see each other’s facial expressions – and here you lose a lot too. 

DON’T: FORGET TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS

You can get bored of writing cute messages during the second week. It’s also quite challenging to express tenderness and feelings via audio or video calls. But it’s important to understand that you need it. You have already lost a considerable stratum in a relationship – lovers express most of their feelings non-verbally by holding hands, hugging, and kissing. While you are deprived of this opportunity, you will need to fill up the tenderness with words.

DO: MEET REGULARLY

It is clear that the frequency of your meetings depends on many factors: distance, your study or work schedule, and finances. But you must establish a schedule of meetings on the principle of “no less than.” Will it be possible to meet only six months later? Even so, you must know for sure that this meeting will take place. Arrange in advance – this is an essential piece of advice for a long-distance relationship.

DON’T: LIE TO EACH OTHER

Lying in a distance relationship is extremely convenient because the partner will never know that you lied. The problem is that you can get used to it. When you meet again, it will be difficult to stop lying or hiding any uncomfortable moments. Of course, you can’t check whether your partner is lying to you. But at least you shouldn’t do that. 

DO: DO SOMETHING TOGETHER

Fortunately, modern communication tools allow you to do many things together in real-time. For example, you can choose products for dinner, do cleaning and cook via Skype, or Zoom. It will bring you closer because it creates the illusion of presence and solves the problem “we have nothing to talk about.”

DON’T: BE JEALOUS

Is it possible not to be jealous while in a relationship at a distance? Jealousy is generally difficult to fight, but in relationships at a distance, it is practically impossible. Therefore, there is no need to start – psychologists give such advice about relationships at a distance. All you can do is trust your partner. There are no other options. This should be taken for granted. If you are not ready – it is better to break up.

Read more: 10 Great Long-Distance Date Ideas to Keep the Spark Alive

Many people believe that the worst thing that could happen to a couple in a relationship is the distance. There are situations when you need to live separately but it doesn’t mean that your relationship is over. If you are apart but you still want to keep your relationship strong and happy, check these tips below.

Of course, there are good and bad sides to such relationships, so in order to help you to deal with this situation, here are the stories of real couples who have survived through the long-distance relationship.

“SOMETIMES SHE EVEN FELL ASLEEP DURING OUR VIDEO CALL”

The only thing I missed all the time was hugging and touching her. Other than that we’ve spent our days like a normal couple. We’ve talked a lot during the day and we’ve spent all the evenings together via Skype or WhatsApp. We’ve watched movies and played video games and just discussed the things that happen to us today. Sometimes she even fell asleep during our video call and I could watch her sleeping for a while.

There was never even a slight mistrust between us. We’ve made our plans together even though we were thousands of miles apart from each other. When we’ve finally managed to live together it was like we have never been apart anyway.

David, Columbus

“YOU LEARN HOW TO TRUST HIM AND TO BE PATIENT ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP”

A lot of people think that a long-distance will ruin their relationship but I think it was the best thing that has ever happened to us. I’ve lived with other guys before but the thing I hated the most was the lack of communication. When you are together all the time, you don’t even notice it until you realize that you don’t understand each other. With Mike, it was completely different as the only thing that kept us together was talking to each other. Why do I think the distance only helped our relationship? Well, when you don’t see your boyfriend a lot and don’t really know what he is doing most part of his day, you learn how to trust him and to be patient about your relationship. Also, we started to understand each other better. He told me a lot about his hobbies, his friends and family, his dreams and thoughts about different things. And I also shared a lot with him. As we live in different cities but not that far from each other we can see each other in real life from time to time. I think it also spices up our sex life a bit.

Of course, I miss him when I don’t see him for too long. And surely I would love to spend more time together in real life and probably live together someday. But I still believe that there is nothing wrong with a long-distance relationship if your feelings are strong enough and you know how to work on your relationship.

Veronica, Los Angeles

“SEEING PARTS OF MY LOVE’S LIFE BONDED US EVEN MORE”

One of the things that kept us updated with each other’s lives is photos. Don’t be ashamed to send selfies or photos of things you want to share. Verbal communication is important but really seeing parts of my love’s life bonded us even more. And don’t forget about erotic selfies ?

Amely, Montreal

“I STARTED TO FORGET HOW IS IT TO SPEND AN EVENING ON MY OWN”

When I found out that my boyfriend has to move to New York for a while I was devastated. I really started believing that our relationship is over and this kind of a long-distance relationship will never work out. However, eventually, it wasn’t that bad and somehow I’ve even found some advantages of this situation.

Firstly, I’ve got more time for myself. I love my boyfriend and I love spending time with him but I started to forget how is it to spend an evening on my own reading a book and eating something unhealthy. I’ve also started spending more time with my friends and it was actually nice to meet a different people and see different faces every day.

Secondly, we’ve found our own way of communication. Of course, we had messengers and video calls but we turned it into a very romantic adventure. We’ve sent each other a paper letter! I couldn’t even imagine how romantic it is. And it only enhanced the anticipation (in a good sense). I’ve been waiting for his letters like a child is waiting for Christmas ?

I can’t say it wasn’t hard. But at the same time, I’ve learned to trust him more and to forgive him for the little things. This made our relationship stronger than ever.

Harley, Houston

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