The first date can bring about enough anxiety as it is. If you go into that first date though, and find that you are dealing with a very shy person, it makes it that much harder. Though you may feel a bit uncertain as to how to get them to come out of their shell, there are some things that you can do to help things along. It may take a bit of time or persistence, but in no time at all you will be talking freely and getting to know this shy person. They may be waiting for the right person to talk, and you can be just that!
It’s hard for some people to work through being shy, especially on that first date. You may even find that somebody who is normally very articulate may freeze up on the first date, simply out of nerves alone. No matter what the reason for their shy demeanor, you can get them to talk if you know the right approach. If you are open to putting forth the effort and you really want to make this work, then you may end up with a really great first date with conversation on both ends. There’s something that made you want to go on the first date with this person, so don’t give up if at first they appear to be shy. You can uncover who they really are if you work at it and approach it the right way!
So if you are faced with the shy type, here are some things to help bring them out of their shell. Be sure that you use the right approach and they will be happy that you did, and it may very well lead to a great first date and even a second one too!
1. Ask them some open-ended questions: You want to get to know them and put them at ease. Simply asking “yes or no” questions or talking about yourself the whole time won’t help you accomplish anything. Don’t make it seem like an interview, but do ask questions that allow them to elaborate a bit. Approach this gently so that you don’t come on too strong, but know that a few well-placed questions like this can get them talking and help them out of their shell a little bit.
2. Be patient, listen when they talk and make eye contact with them: Sometimes a shy person is just waiting to find the type of person that makes them WANT to talk. Be that person by being patient, calm, and wait for their answers. Do some talking, but also do some listening. Be compassionate with smiles, good body language, and keep your eyes focused on them. You want to show them that they can feel comfortable, and that you are there to learn more about them in a noninvasive way.
3. Ask about their family and friends: They want to talk about their family and friends, and this is often a good entry point to the conversation. Do take the time to talk about your own so that it puts them at ease. Ask simple questions about their loved ones to get a glimpse into who they are and what is important to them. This can cause them to light up and feel much more comfortable, it shows that you just somehow “get it”.
4. Ask what they do in their free time: It’s an innocent enough question, but it shows them that you care. Be the one who takes the time to learn about their hobbies, their interests, and how they actually chose to spend their free time. You might just find that you have something in common or that you have some good topics of conversation because of it. Works like a charm!
5. Try to insert humor or obvious observations to put them at ease: If you are the type of person who can insert humor appropriately into a conversation, then go for it. The obvious observations, people watching, and other ways of getting them to agree and talk with you can work quite well. Allowing the other person to laugh can instantly put them at ease, and the rest is history.
6. Plan an activity that may get the conversation flowing: Sometimes getting a shy person to talk means allowing them to have a little fun. Plan something that you can both enjoy together, which can instigate conversation without you even having to try too hard. Think of fun things such as bowling, golfing, tennis, or even going out on jet skis together. Find something that is enjoyable for both of you, and when they see that they can have fun with you it may very well open them up to want to talk to you more and you have a great starting point to move forward from!