You feel like you’re saying all the right things—but are you? Whether you mean to or not, sometimes the way that you say something can turn somebody away without any warning. It may be the way that you say it or how you carry yourself, but there are some major communication errors that could cost you another date. You probably don’t even realize you’re making these mistakes, but the way that you talk is just as important as the way that you look.
It’s sad but true that sometimes we let our nerves get in the way. Sometimes we say things that we wouldn’t normally say because we’re trying too hard. Sometimes we talk too fast or too much, simply because we’re nervous about making a good first impression. Letting your nerves get the best of you is common, but it’s something that you have to be mindful of and therefore ensure doesn’t ruin the date. These horrible communication mistakes can hurt your chances of getting a second date—and they are important to avoid at any stage or point in your life too!
We can all use some fine-tuning from time to time, so don’t fret if you’ve made these mistakes before. Just know what they are, know how to avoid them, and be conscious of your strategy moving forward. The way that you talk is a direct reflection of you and therefore when you miss out on something critical, it shows that you are not somebody worth looking at for a second date—and that certainly is not how you want things to go!
1. Don’t talk over the other person: You may be the type of person that talks loudly or gets animated when you’re talking about something. That’s fine, but if you come across as talking over this person before you, then it’s not a good thing. Be sure that you are conscientious of this and that you don’t end up canceling out the other person in conversation—you may come across as self-absorbed when that’s really not you at all.
2. Don’t talk so softly that they can’t hear you: If you have something to say then by all means say it. If you are too quiet or your voice is too soft, then they are going to wonder what is wrong with you. Don’t come across as passive to a fault or unsure of yourself, for this can be a huge turnoff and can make them wonder if you are really genuinely interested in being there.
3. Don’t come off as obnoxious or trying too hard: Just be yourself, don’t try too hard, and don’t come off as obnoxious. Again if you try too hard then you will just come off as a shell of who you really are. Though your nerves may take over, don’t let this come off as a conceited attitude or somebody that talks nonstop over nothing too important. Laughing or talking too loud or too much certainly falls into this category.
4. Don’t ask questions and then forget to listen: If you take the time to ask questions about the other person, then be sure to actually listen for the answer. If you skip ahead or try to center the conversation around you, then you have accomplished nothing. Be sure that you are mindful of listening to what they have to say, and to finding that balance.
5. Don’t talk only about yourself or things that interest you: Sure they want to hear about you, but if you talk only about yourself then this is a huge communication error. Try to find things to talk about that interest them or find some common ground. They are there to hear about you, but you need to find out about them too.
6. Don’t ever say the following 4 phrases to a woman: Avoid them at all costs, and find a gentler and more positive way of talking to her.
- “Hey, do you want to go back to my place?” Even if you think that you’re getting the “vibe” do not try to seal the deal on the first date. Even if she’s into that, you don’t want to come across as too pushy or she’ll be turned off. The first date is a time to get to know each other, not to have a one-night stand. So if you’re on the first date take the time to talk to her and build up a rapport, don’t try to go in for the sexual component because it’s way too soon. Women hate this!
- “You’re actually smarter than you look!” You might think that this is a compliment because you’re actually telling her how beautiful and smart she is, but it’s really a put-down in her mind. You’re saying that she never looked smart and women don’t want to be told that. Even if she’s the whole package, don’t give backhanded compliments. They will never end well and she will be offended, and that will kill your chances of a second date or anything else.
- “It sounds like you have a lot of baggage from your past.” There’s a variety of different ways to deliver this message, but the key point is to avoid focusing on her past. It happened, she’s probably learned from it, and the first date is not the time to focus on it. This type of statement can be particularly troubling and damaging if she has been married, has kids, or has something significant to her in the past. Be very careful and choose your words here, and if unsure then avoid discussing the past on that all-important first date.
- “I’m not really into relationships, but we can see where things go.” She’s on the first date with you because she wants to see where things go. She is testing you as much as you are testing her, so don’t bring up a fear of intimacy or anything of the sort. Even if you’re not a “relationship guy” the first date is most certainly not the time to discuss it. Try to keep things positive and lighthearted, and don’t go in with preconceived notions. If relationships didn’t work for you in the past, now is not the time to bring it up.
Being mindful of the way that you carry a conversation can make for dating success. Avoid these common mistakes, and be sure not to let your nerves get the best of you. It can run smoothly if you stay away from these problem areas and ensure that you come off as the great communicator that you really are.