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Elmer, 53
United States, Florida, Pembroke Pines

Offline, last seen Wed, 14 Jan 2026 18:07:18

About Me

Born and raised in the wild by a family of Red Squirrels, a sworn enemy of Gwen the Gwey. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, (aka Derek Russo Sugli Alberi - Derek the Red Tree Dweller) commander of the Squirrel Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Squirellius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next, so watch your nuts Gwen! N/S only please...I've seen this on a few profiles but have no idea what it means. I can only guess that it means "Non-slappers" or "no scroungers", so that'll do for me, or could it be Non-smokers, that's quite preferable too.Time to freshen this up a bitDue to recent popular demand and also as a reward to my fans around the world, I have decided to update my profile. After all its only fair to spread the joy, plus it makes me feel good too.....and that's all that counts really ;)Please feel free to contact me, I will try to reply, however if I don't, it could mean that, I don't think that we're suited, or, Ive forgotten how to type, or Ive had too much medication and passed out. Similarly, if I do reply, that doesn't mean that I think we're a good match. I just might be feeling chatty, obnoxious, witty, drunk or all eight. It's not like I haven't given you enough material to work with, so please say something more interesting than "Hi, how are you?"By day i work as a lab technician and due to a recent industrial accident have been blessed with the super power of flexibility and springiness, which I abuse to its full extent as a cat burglar and am now known by Interpol as Colin.This new found attribute has enabled me to start a diamond smuggling operation to finance my addiction to wine gums (which I am slowly conquering). I am considering selling my yacht and going into the shoe, flower and chocolate business. I’m an ex F1 driver and in my spare time I model hessian underwear.I can also blow up balloons and look good in big floppy shoes, red nose and curly wig....oh and I forgot to mention I’m also unbeaten at pooh sticks.Update (they seem to be a la mode so why not!)Unless you have gold and diamonds dripping from your ears and fingers or juicy gems sat on your chest i may not reply. (see profession)I'm ultimately looking for someone that can multitask, that way i can sit around all day and do sod all.Please show this on your profile if you know someone who has been eaten by a shark!~~~/~~~o/~~~Now wheres that nurse with the medication trolley........ Update 14.73 It would appear that its not just men that don't bother to read profiles, I'm still getting "hi there" and "hi how are you" messages.....so pique my interest, say more than hi, catch my eye and you may just get a reply ....oh i enjoyed that.Update 21.6.938.06.a Alas time and medication have now caught up with me and I no longer have dark flowing locks of hair, in fact its decidedly grey! As was once said by a famous Mexican "joo wanna stroaka ma goat?"Pooh Sticks of course

PERSONAL INFORMATION

  • Looking for

    woman

  • Relationship

    Divorced

  • Have kids

    Yes, but they don't live with me

  • Wants kids

    Yes

  • Ethnicity

    Caucasian

  • Faith

    Atheist

  • Body type

    Average

  • Height

    6'1"

  • Eye color

    Green

  • Smoke

    No

  • Drink

    No

INTERESTS

Dance
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SIMILAR PEOPLE

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stars 4.1 out of 5 based Rated 4.1 / 5 Based  on  377 reviews
  • Russell from Pembroke Pines | Man | 52 years old | Capricorn
    Russell

    Offline

    Man. 52 years old. Zodiac sign: Capricorn.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 42-62

    This is a long "narrative" but, I am told it is worth it.I grew up in Alaska where I found my passion for photography. I lived in the Aleutian Islands (Dutch Harbor) where I worked for a Norwegian fishing fleet, on the crab-boats of the Bering Sea (ever see DEADLIEST CATCH on Discovery Channel?) I also worked on exploration drilling rigs for British Petroleum in Alaska's Arctic Circle. I enjoy most any activity that includes the outdoors/water. Snowboarding, surfing, skiing, wakeboarding, scuba, wave runners & hiking . . . literally everything! But if raining I do enjoy relaxing in bed and listen to the thunder, etc.I have a number of different careers; all revolve around health & education. I work in hospitals managing Life-Support systems of critically ill cardio-pulmonary patients. I'm a Clinical Specialist for a Medical Device company and help educate the hospital staff on how to best use their new equipment.I also own a dot com company, am into fitness and helping inspire & educate others to reach their goals. I have volunteered on a Mission trip to Central America and do a bit of speaking at different events. Some work for Habitat for Humanity & Make-A-Wish. My VERY favorite hobby is . . . VACATIONING; exploring different islands = cruising; fitness adventure vacations to exotic destinations. Adventure is my addiction. But more addicted to LOVE. I was in love. . . only ONCE before; It took forever to find her and look forward to eventually finding that feeling again. Another hobby is finding Charming old houses and fixing them up. Just bought ***blocks from my last house, just off of a park, with a church & bell tower across the street . . . I LOVE IT!My Goal: Never being mediocre, typical, or "average". BUT. . .to be one-of-a-kind, unique, dynamic & Living life to the fullest. Because I try my very best; NOT to be average . . I am NOT seeking just an AVERAGE woman. I have High Standards and I expect the same from her; Meaning I am only seeking a above average, classy, loyal, attractive, self-confident, secure, intelligent, healthy & fit woman. I want to be "wowed"!!! And you do too. I'm sure you will agree life is too short not to be. You can see; I DO know what I am looking for . . . & I do not want to waste anyone's time. Wasted Time . . . is time lost forever.Integrity is HUGE with me. So; I ALWAYS say what I mean, and mean what I say....If I say I will call . . . I do & I appreciate the same in return. I'm confident you will agree; Actions speak louder than words. If you say or commit to something: follow-through is essential> INTEGRITY! I like to skydive, explore and treasure hunt. But, I also like to relax and have some down time; Sunday afternoons I like to (explore) open houses. When raining I like to spoon, snuggle & nap during thunder & snow storms. ALL kinds of music. Very little rap! Okay I'm rambling here . . . sorry.Eventually I hope to meet an HONEST, kind, genuine & sincere positive woman who keeps her word & can effectively communicate her feelings/needs. Not keep them bottled up, and then expect me to be able to read-her-mind. It is essential both of us dump any (all) 'baggage' from past relationships. I feel the MOST important key to a successful relationship is open communications.Now I have shared a LOT of info here, if you have made it THIS FAR in my profile; Thank-you for reading, you have made it farther than I would have. I now owe you a drink. IF. . . you think we have TRUE potential, please send me a message. One last thing. . .I posted photos, so I am asking for the same courtesy... Thanks for understanding....=)I have many ideas for dates. But I feel the first date should be something very simple, with minimal distractions to inspire communications. I vote for a nice dinner. Afterwards, depending on the season...Maybe something outdoors/water, possibly a walk on the beach? What are your thoughts of lunch on The Branson Landing (Cantina), a little shopping and then maybe dinner/wine at Candlestick Inn? I also enjoy concerts; any type of live music event. Anything is great as long as I am sharing my time with the right woman.

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  • Dwight from Pembroke Pines | Man | 57 years old | Cancer
    Dwight

    Offline

    Man. 57 years old. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 47-67

    Just a normal guy . Would like to meet a normal lady with mutual attraction . I like movies , dinners , day trips , concerts , billiards , volleyball , downtown Knoxville , Pigeon Forge , Dollywood , rivers , mountains . Pretty much anything .Something simple like a walk or dinner or just meet at a local park or take a ride just to spend some time together.

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  • Lee from Pembroke Pines | Man | 58 years old | Sagittarius
    Lee

    Online

    Man. 58 years old. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius.

    Looking for: woman. In age: 33-50

    Hi! My name is Lee. I am never married other african man with kids from Pembroke Pines, Florida, United States. Now I'm looking for new relationships. I want to meet a woman, love of my life.

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