Offline, last seen Tue, 09 Aug 2022 22:46:14
I know EXACTLY what I want in a woman and I will list the criteria now....these are all without exception. And please, read quickly.SHE MUST:*be totally and completely into head games.*be willing to support an unemployed man by any means necessary.*be open to booty calls and one night stands.*be obediant and subserviant.*like iliterit men hoo kant thpell.*like a man who lies, cheats and is very abusive.*have only nude or extremely provocative pictures in her profile.*be repulsed by romance.SHE MUST NOT:*like any sports....especially hockey and football.*have any type of education whatsoever.*like to go out or do anything fun or spontaneous.*like music or movies.*have any type of sense of humour.*have any hair on her head....period. (Other body parts notwithstanding)*be opposed to excessive use of drugs and alcohol at any time of the day.*have any friends at all....no contact with family a plus.If this sounds like you, send me a message asking for permission to chat with me. Due to the messages pouring in at an alarming rate, expect a response within ***weeks. If you do not receive a response, myself and my staff have probably decided you are unworthy and do not fit the criteria. We thank you in advance.*************************************************************************************Ok, now for the real profile....About me:*I'm 100% Italian....except that I'm Canadian-raised.*I am NOT a typical guy. Well, for the most part anyway.*I will actually READ your profile.*I am sweet, outgoing, laid-back and considerate.*I'll call when I'm late. (See, I told you I'm not a typical guy)*I'm a patient listener.*I'm more of a giver than a taker.*I can spell, use proper punctuation and actually hold an intelligent conversation.*I love to sing, though not always well.*I'm a passionate kisser.*I won't forget your birthday.*I'm just a big cuddly teddy bear with a bit of a wild side.*I won't cheat on you.*I love to go out and have a good time.*I love to stay in and have a good time.*I usually don't say "I" this much.*I'm quick-witted and creative.*I love music. It can change my mood *** would love to cook for you.*I love to travel and try to go abroad at least once a year.* (typical guy alert!)*I'll make you laugh....sometimes until it hurts.*I prefer to take things slow.*I like to do things just because....About you:*You should have enough similar interests to help us bond, but enough differences to allow us our individuality.*You can have a conversation with me for more than five minutes before I want you to just shut up.*You capture me so much that I really want you to just shut up.....and kiss me.*You should love sports, but it's negotiable!*You are outgoing, laid-back and secure.*You have the cutest smile.*You enjoy your own space as much as I do mine. The time we spend together will always be special while the time apart will keep us wanting more.*You have eyes that melt me.*You have beautiful long hair for me to play with.*I can smile at you while you're sleeping, shake my head and whisper, "What in the world are you doing with me?"*You intoxicate me with your smell.*You love to be caressed and shown affection.*You can trust me.*You can put up with the things I haven't mentioned here.Is that sales pitch long enough???Now, if you've managed to read that WHOLE thing....hunny, you might as well send me a message. No use wasting all that time, right? ***P.S.*** It seems a lot of girls are a little freaked out by guys who add them to their favourites list without attempting to contact them. Well, I have to say that I am guilty of that myself, but there is a reason for it. Maybe some guys do just want to look at a girl's picture for hours on end for his own satisfaction, but I doubt that's why the majority do it. Of course, I can only speak for myself here.Some girls have very interesting and amusing profiles which I like to go back and read every now and then. Then there are certain girls who catch my attention and intrigue me, but for some reason I feel I'm not yet ready to contact them, but I don't want to lose track of them should I decide to finally make the effort. The only way to do that is to add them as a favourite. That's not so creepy now is it? What would we do on a first date? Well, that depends on the person and what they like of course. But if I had to go into it blindly, I'd say we start off with dinner. I love a girl who likes food and isn't paranoid about eating more than a crouton at one sitting. Dinner is always good to learn things about people; what they like to eat, what their mannerisms are, whether they like to talk or not and whether they'd offer to pick up the cheque! But seriously, dinner is usually a good place to start to get to know somebody. Maybe even a picnic in the park. Then we can move on to a little fun....go bowling or mini-golfing or to a sports bar or a jazz lounge or something like that....a place to have a few drinks, loosen up, maybe dance a little, maybe play some pool or foosball, have a few laughs and see what kind of chemistry develops. After that, if things go well, we can take a walk or get an ice cream or coffee before ending the night with a warm tight hug or a soft innocent kiss. I'll end the suspense right now ladies, I am not opposed to a kiss on the first date, so you can all exhale now. And the rest is history....If all else fails, what's the worst that could happen? Maybe you escape with a new friend....maybe even a new sucker to take money from in poker. Life's an experience....soak it up.P.S. Call within the next 30 minutes and we'll throw in a second date....absolutely free!!!