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Capricorn · Looking for: Woman, 37–47
Generic Coffee.On MyselfHow to advertise me? That is tough. I know myself best, but it’s hard to talk about. Here’s what others have said: Entertainment Weekly wrote, “Very nice, with gentlemanly qualities.” Gentlemen’s Quarterly asked, “He thinks he’s funny, but is he?” And Time magazine noted, “He enjoys passion and romance with the right one.”Never married, no kids.What makes me a geek? Geeks like what they like without regard to how accepted it is. I am my own man; I play by my own rules. I don’t derive my sense of self-worth from having others’ approval. I’m a bit of a romantic.In school, I was voted Most Likely to Become A Mental Patient, Hillbilly, Hobo or Carnival Worker. I have a really bad short-term memory. I get lost in music. I am employed, my credit score is high, I have a really bad short-term memory, and I don’t live in a refrigerator box under the El tracks.I lead a simple, quiet, wholesome life. My parents have been married for 39 years. I never go to bars/nightclubs to pick up women. I’m the most ridiculously honest person in the world. The G-rated stuff in life is better. I prefer quality over quantity. I’m open-minded and optimistic. I start conversations with random strangers. Ethics, honesty and integrity are important to me. I’ll feed you dark chocolate during sex. I’ve never been incarcerated. I don’t drink away my nights and weekends in bars. I won’t look you up on the Internet. I won’t ask you creepy questions. And I won’t drone on and on about Fantasy Sports, Guitar Hero or the aliens I thought I saw.I smell good. Women have described me as confident, charming and big-hearted. I’m still of the crazy idea that we should get to having at least some feelings for one another before we make each other’s hair messy.I love hot weather, long showers (preferably with someone else, with the lights off; what can I say... affection is important to me), and lots of pulp in my orange juice. I’m wise enough to know that women get better as they age. I’m not a serial dater or a player; I’m actually wanting to become a part of someone’s life.I’m pretty selective about who I let into my life, but once I find someone worthwhile, you can pretty much talk me into anything. You get points for being sweet and kind, for smiling a lot, and for not having seventeen cats.On Who I'm Looking ForPlease: no crazy chicks.Cute. Sweet. Short. Fun. Warm. Soft. Feminine. Caring. Someone mature, intelligent, confident. There is an inner warmth and depth to you, that few others see. Someone who does not use her sexuality to gain things from men. It’s a real turn-off. Someone to go to Ravinia with this summer. Someone who can be personally offended by broad social trends. Someone who’s easy to talk to. Someone who I’m always happy to see. We can fill in the missing colors in each other’s paint-by-number dreams.Maybe this makes me strange, but I love women. I truly do. I love aspects of their feminine nature. They balance out my masculine nature. I never reduce them to a conquest, amazing creatures that they are.I don’t like to wait more than two weeks before meeting in person.So if you don’t live with your parents, if you won’t ask me to meet them as our second date, if you don’t have a line of prescription anti-psychotics developed specifically for you, and if you don’t share a bed with your grandmother, let’s do Generic Coffee. I promise not to throw my coffee on you. The Fairy Tale: I’ll take you out on my boat. We’Okay, so although I could get a boat to take you out on, I would be hunted down like a dog and it would be repossessed.Option One: We’ll meet for a leisurely stroll along the boulevards, and then drop into some quiet little place for a drink or two. We could go to an ice cream shoppe to oogle at each other as we sip soda floats from the same glass. If we are smitten enough to go on another date, we’ll head to one of the more upscale restaurants (Subway, Burger King, etc.).Option Two: How about walking homeless dogs at the animal shelter? This is actually a really fun get-to-know-each-other date. Even if it doesn’t go well, the community benefits. I’m sure to get along with any other dog lover. Dogs make everything better.Other Ideas: Going to the hospital and reading stories to sick children? SummerDance? This week's street festival? Flipping over wheelbarrows in case it rains?Walk your dog? Go to the grocery store for ice cream? Juicy Wine Company?We could go to Wal- We could go to the airport and leave a bag unattended. Hilarity would ensue.My General Approach: I’ll pick up some subtle hint you have given. I’ll come up with some creative, exciting activity based around that. I’m pretty good at this.I can promise that our date will involve neither you being asked about the color of your underwear, nor me being shoved into the back of a police car.
