• Hartsdale
• New York
• United States

Offline

Man. 51 years old. Zodiac sign: Pisces.

Looking for: woman. In age: 48-58

DISCLAIMER: No braincells were harmed in the production of this profile. And I have Black Belts in 4 styles of Marital Arts: Ouch! Owch! Get off me! And have you got a headache tonight love?URGENT: STOP AND THINK!: Have you lost the will to live because of this site? THERE IS HOPE!I am a 'Hero for Hire'! So, if ya wanna ruggedly attractive hunk, and not Shrek, call ME! I wouldn't say I was young at heart, but I have teenage spots! I'm the Magnificent Seven, James Bond, Magnum P.I., Mr Bean and Deputy Dawg all rolled up into one package.I'm faster than the wind, stronger than a bull and fearless! And I wouldn't say that I was tough, but I was once bitten by a King Cobra, and after seven, long, agonising days the Cobra DIED. Hahaha. So, if your planning suicide by the 'Death Of A Thousand Cuts' because you can't tie a knot and make a noose to hang yourself, give me a call. I'll show you how to tie a great Reef Knot in less 5 seconds flat.I await your call, while my 16 year old daughter takes her 'Weapons Of Mass Destruction Class'. She's building something very big and very odd in our basement and it TICKS! Special offer: get 5% P.S. Oh, and the CHAT thingy on this site is about as useful as a knife at a gunfight, unless you're clairvoyant or have a spirit guide! This message will self destruct by the time I've eaten my four Shredded Wheat, six Wheatabix and watched endless re- Oh, by the way, I love the Queen even though she comes around every morning begging for a cup of suger, and I always tell the OLD BIDDY to bugger off, sell a corgi or the crown jewels and buy her own!!I'M LOOKING FOR: Someone who can moonwalk on water like me. Change my tax return into the winning lottery ticket. Show me the way to go home when I'm drunk. Cater to my every whim without question. Kiss me and tell me I'm great when I'm sad. Oh, and doesn't nag! Ok, the last one is IMPOSSIBLE for most women, so I'll settle for the rest! I know, a day will come when I have to grow up and behave myself, but I can't see it in the near future! Signed: PETER PAN JUNIOR!Me? Normal? How dare you insult me like that dad! I said I'm Peter Pan, not Jackie Chan!YOUR MISSION, should you accept it, is to avoid all ALIEN lifeforms on here! Donate your drugs, fags and guns to the ***! Never watch telly while it's switched on!M.C.A! If all else fails, eat your laptop and pretend it's a 'Two for a Fiver' pub lunch! Oh, and for Christ's sake leave the toilet seat down when you leave! By the way, I like spending money foolishly and having a great time.I used to be in the Irish Fire Brigade, but they sacked me for taking too long to slide back up the pole. Well, I was wearing a kilt at the time!And my THRILL of the day is: Mud wrestling a gorilla! Getting a 'buzz' from sticking my finger in the electric socket! Tuning my car, but I took the upright piano back out 'cause I couldn't reach the steering wheel!I've just bought a Sat-Nav and was going past the Zoo. It said: BEAR LEFT! Wow, I thought, how accurate is that! My dog keeps chasing people on a bike, so I took it off him. Then he just sat in the garden barking all day so I gave him his bike back. Only because his bark is worse than his bike. Got on a bus today and the ticket collector said: 'You can't sit there!' I said: 'Ok, I don't wanna drive the bus anyway!' 30 SECONDS OF SERIOUS: I'm currently single and totally literate, but wouldn't mind meeting someone to share fun with. I miss intelligent conversation and sharing day to day things with someone special. I'd love to meet someone to share my witty banter with; someone who doesn't take life too seriously and someone who is up for lots of fun and frolics.I love the outdoors and walking. Running too. I'm pretty fit, love to laugh, am a great listener and consider myself to be a loving person who would like to meet someone similar. I ice skate too. Not compulsory for my lover, friend, confidant! Don't be shy. Get in touch if you find this profile funny! Because if I've learned anything in life it's that it's too short, so live for the moment, laugh with all your heart and never regret anything you ever did that put a smile on your face. :)Laughs are what life is about. If the first date is optional, can we move on to our wedding? I hate wasting time! :) Haha.

• Hartsdale
• New York
• United States

Offline

Man. 46 years old. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius.

Looking for: woman. In age: 30-50

Hi! My name is Yanivito. I am never married jewish caucasian man without kids from Hartsdale, New York, United States. Now I'm looking for new relationships. I want to meet a woman, love of my life.

• Hartsdale
• New York
• United States

Offline

Man. 32 years old. Zodiac sign: Libra.

Looking for: woman. In age: 21-31

Want to chat add my ***'t respond on here