Total users: 62,134,766 Online users: 223,974
Abel, 45
United States, Kansas, Ottawa

Offline, last seen Fri, 03 Apr 2026 10:37:32

About Me

-sexual outside linebacker). Then let's make low grade porn together in my bathtub. You bring the salsa and the crazy glue. Just Kidding.... I'm a musician. Wait for it...I'm not a typical musician. So, ok, for those of you still around let's move on. I love Aqua Teen Hunger Force (Carl is my hero), American Dad (Roger is my other hero) and Star Trek. I hate reality shows and any show about the scientific evaluation of a crime scene. More about me? I don't have a nice car, I don't spend money on nice clothes (t-shirts and shop shorts) and I will never own a home again in this lifetime. I'm just not into possessions. I'm your typical "guy" and guys are guys, you really can't change that. For *** like breasts. We talk about breasts. We remember every pair we've ever seen. They're fun, they're a hoot (pun intended). You know how some women like scrap-booking? Same idea. Also, guys watch porn and real men don't feel the need to hide it. Example: You: What are you doing on the internet? What you want me to say: Checking the weather, donating my body to science after I die and *** mother some cute puppy pictures. What I will say: Updating my profile at horny asian frat girls dot com...HEY!!!, this one looks like your mother. Also, with guys there's often one dirty sock next to our side of the bed. We also love to watch football on Sundays...it's like the tides and taxes...it just is. What am I looking for in a woman? Huge tits...I know I'm supposed to say some crap about eyes, or personality but I'm looking for a pair of knee shooters. Like she's kinda walking hunch backed because they're weighing her down. Example:You: My back hurts from these huge, pendulous breasts.What you want me to say: Oh baby, let's go see about a reduction because your health is of the utmost importance to me.What I will say: Then lay down.Settle down girls, I'm kidding. I'm looking for a woman I can talk to about my day. I want someone who is smarter than me, funnier than me and a dork in a pornstar's body. I want someone who doesn't know that male sex organs come in different sizes. I want someone who can get it through her head that Butthead is the smart one. I want someone who can tell me to shut the hell up when I ramble on about what I want.Truly? I need someone that I can spoil. Who I can kiss every other moment of the day. Someone who'll call in sick with me and just watch Aqua Teen DVDs and eat ice cream in bed for a month. I need someone who understands the concepts of honesty and the value of commitment and who's understanding of those words does not stop at knowing that a lot of people use them in their profiles. Someone who is fit and into working out and proper nutrition (deal breaker). And finally I need someone who understands what the one dirty sock next to the bed is used for and how f-ing stupid it is to run a draw play on 3 and 17. There isn't much that one can offer within the confines of a personals profile but what I can promise is that you will always get honesty from me. Example: You: Do these Jeans make me look fat? What you want me to say: Not at all you look fine. What I will say: No, no, no honey, your ass does. By the way you have too many shoes and I'm sorry I didn't notice that you had your nails done...and you look just fine. I wouldn't be here if I didn't like you the way you are. Example 2: You: What do you want to do tonight? What you want me to say: Go out to eat. Go see the new Julia movie and come home and cuddle on the couch. What I will say: Get drunk, get naked. Not necessarily in that order. FINALLY, I need someone who will not lie. No matter what, she will not lie to me. This is rare and apparently doesn't exist in the real world. But I can always dream...Ok, I'm done rambling...oh yeah, just kidding about the farm. I don't even know what an emu is.

PERSONAL INFORMATION

  • Looking for

    woman

  • Relationship

    Never married

  • Have kids

    No

  • Wants kids

    Someday

  • Ethnicity

    Caucasian

  • Faith

    Spiritual but not religious

  • Body type

    Athletic

  • Height

    5'9"

  • Eye color

    Hazel

  • Smoke

    No

  • Drink

    Yes, socially

INTERESTS

Skiing Canadian Portuguese South American Spanish Biography War Western Sailing
Wink Icon color PERSONAL INFORMATION Fave
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