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Wilford, 44
United States, Florida, Islamorada

Offline, last seen Mon, 26 Jan 2026 10:17:04

About Me

***NOTE***You should be aware of the real risk of contacting this person; uncontrollable: laughter, bowel movements, blushing, facial twitching, giggles, appetite, crying from laughter, drooling and perma-grins have been documented. Please bring/apply chapstick for initial contact. Before acting on information on this profile, you should consider whether it is suitable for your bladder and Cheeks. (not THOSE cheeks)"Wake up EVERY morning with the thought that something WONDERFUL is about to happen.""Being the richest man in the cemetary doesn't matter. Going to bed knowing we've done something wonderful is what matters to me"- Steve Jobs"Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that has yet to come!"Do you like:A. A quick wit, playful banterB. A loyal, family guyC. HonestyD. ChivalryE. ALL OF THE ABOVEIf you answered yes to any or all of the above options, proceed with comedic caution! I've been known to cause tears of laughter and uncontrollable smiling. Random facts:I have an annual pass to the Happiest place on Earth!I am a sucker for a killer smile! She is my best friend and I try to visit her, at least, once a week.I own my own home. Words to describe me: funny, faithful/loyal, honest. I LOVE kids and animals. I am a family guy and my family is very important to me.. Things I like:Intelligent conversations spiced up with an abundance of playful banter.Burritos stuffed with grilled chicken/shrimp, black beans, guacamole, salsa verde, pico de gallo, sour cream and a strong hint of picante spice.Unsweetened ice tea/lemonade.When out for a c*cktail:a tumbler with a ton of ice, Jack/coke.I love being around the ocean. I do not care for the snow/mountains.Driving with 100's of horse-power of speed, up an infinity highway, loaded with ocean/scenery.Spontaneous trips with an overnight bag, my Nikon D-SLR, an extra battery, and 128Gigs of "film." Summer BBQs with the grill full of crisp vegetables, select prime-cuts of meats with a ton of dry rub, surrounded by family and a handful of friends.Rainy, Sunday mornings, laying in bed watching football with that one special person who loves to cuddle..My Ipod is filled with everything from;.. I have never been married and don't have any children but when I look into the future, I would love to have a few kids running around. I have a Bachelor's degree from Cal State Univ.My favorite thing***> Traveling!! I am always up for a trip.; my bag is always packed :). I visit my brother in NY, twice a year. I try to take, at least, one big trip a year. In ***& ***, it was Australia. Not sure where to go on my next trip, open to suggestions... I am working on my 4th passport...; Sydney. Took over 6,***pics.I am a sit-down comic and a stand-up poker player. Did I write that backwards? I stay there too: Free, covered, air-conditioned. UntilSecurity finds me, that is.)I read in MEN'S HEALTH magazine that women like men that are funny, protect their spouses, work well with their hands & are artsy. I have a WHITE belt in sumo wrestling AND a BLACK belt in underwater basket weaving.Did I write THAT backwards? I collect $5 casino chips from my travels.Looking for a BEAUTIFUL STRANGER,Are you my LUCKY STAR?I hope to be married until we are old & senile. Then we'll be newlyweds. We are NOT a good match:1. If you smoke.2. If your teeth are darker than your skin.3. If you spend more time at the gym than with family/friends.4. If you wear a "sports' bra more than a "sexy" bra.5. If you spend more time crying than laughing.6. If it takes more than 20 syllables to order "your" coffee. 7. If you have a visible tattoo on your face, neck, or chest.8. If your septum, lip AND tongue are pierced-all connected with a "gold" chain.9. If you had great service at a restaurant & tipped less than 20 percent.10. If your purse cost more than your mortgage/rent, car payment, & cell bill combined.10. If you have a fake Louis Vuitton purse.11. If you have ever worn black underwear/thong/panties with white pants/skirt/dress all at the same time.12. If your weight, age AND shoe size is less than ***. If your height (in inches) divided by Pi is less than 20.14. If you stretch (gauge) your ears15. If you have ever been described as: "a stick," 'boney," "unstable," "drama-queen,""anorexic," "suicidal."16.17. If you don't want kids.18. If you didn't notice that I numbered "10" twice.19. If you have read this far and haven't laughed/smiled more than 5.23 times.20. If you spend your weekends scrapbooking. First Date: simple, somewhere quiet where we can chat; Coffee, Tea, Wine, Beer, a shot of Jack!Second Date: You can come over for a BBQ. (Ever tried Sliced potatoes on the BBQ? Delicious! Take out some chicken breast that I have marinating overnight with "special sauce," (it's Teriyaki sauce and some spices, OK, maybe not THAT special), put that on the grill. Take out a John Tesh CD, put THAT on the grill....***\\***Plz***\\\***Put This***On Your***Profile if***You Know***\\\***Someone***\\***Who Died (father***\***Of***\\\***Cancer***\\\---Or who may be suffering from it

PERSONAL INFORMATION

  • Looking for

    woman

  • Relationship

    Never married

  • Have kids

    No

  • Wants kids

    Yes

  • Ethnicity

    Caucasian

  • Faith

    Christian

  • Body type

    Average

  • Height

    5'10"

  • Eye color

    Hazel

  • Smoke

    No

  • Drink

    Yes, socially

INTERESTS

Salsa Dance Japanese Mexican Biography Crime Drama Horror
Wink Icon color PERSONAL INFORMATION Fave
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